The Invisible School

Publications Section : xxArticles in Periodicals

1) "The Power of Dialogue" Published in Family News, Marin County, CA

2) "Engaging in Dialogue" Published in Family News, Marin County, CA

 

 

Published in "Family News", Marin County, California, March 2004

 

What is Dialogue ?

When true Dialogue occurs, each participant feels heard, understood, and included in the process and the outcome. And because it draws out the best thinking that each has to offer, combining it into a greater whole, it creates sharper insights and deeper understanding than other forms of conversation.

Dialogue is a form of conversation with great power to benefit our schools, families, businesses, and communities. While we are all familiar with the term, most of us do not clearly understand how Dialogue differs from other modes of conversation. And most of us do not have the experience to apply Dialogue when it could be most useful or productive.

Three States of Conversation

Trying to describe a high level of Dialogue is a bit like trying to describe life in the twenty-second century: it still involves human beings, but things have changed so much that it looks like another world. This may be a slight exaggeration, but there is a radical difference between Dialogue and other conversations. The degree of insight and understanding gained, the number of new ideas generated, and the relationships between the participants are all of an entirely different order.

We can begin to better understand the qualities of Dialogue by thinking about conversation as having "states" or "quantum levels". Just as water can exist as solid, liquid, or gas, conversation can occur in different states with very different qualities. We can call these states of conversation "Debate", "Discussion", and "Dialogue", which are roughly analogous to ice, water, and steam.

The different states of water can be seen as a spectrum in which the molecules progress from being relatively fixed in a lower energy state (ice), to being relatively free in a higher energy state (steam). It is the same with a human mind in the three states of conversation.

Just as water is an intermediate state between ice and steam, Discussion is an intermediate state between Debate and Dialogue.

Looking carefully at the distinctions between Debate and Dialogue will allow us to see Discussion as a midpoint between them. The following comparisons are adapted from the Dialogue workshops of Dennis Gray:

Debate is oppositional: two opposing sides try to prove each other wrong.

Dialogue is collaborative: multiple sides work towards shared understanding.

 

In Debate, one listens to find flaws, to spot differences, and to counter arguments.

In Dialogue, one listens to understand, to make meaning, and to find common ground.

 

Debate creates a closed-minded attitude: a determination to be right.

Dialogue creates an open-minded attitude: an openness to being wrong, and an openness to change.

 

In Debate, one searches for weaknesses in the other position.

In Dialogue, one searches for strengths in all positions.

 

Debate assumes a single right answer that someone already has.

Dialogue assumes that many people have pieces of answers, and that cooperation can lead to workable solutions.

While Debate is a combative activity, in which meaning is subtracted or eliminated, Dialogue is cooperative, and meaning is added or accumulated to build common understanding. In Debate there are always winners and losers; in Dialogue, everyone wins.

Discussion is less combative than Debate, but less cooperative than Dialogue. The positions of the participants are less fixed than in Debate, but less exploratory, open-minded and inclusive than in Dialogue. Chances are that every conversation you had in school which wasn't a Debate was a Discussion.

In Discussion, participants assume the validity of their assumptions.

In Dialogue, participants suspend and examine their assumptions.

 

Discussion is a process of persuading others, less combative than Debate.

Dialogue is a process of exploring and constructing meaning together.

 

Discussion tends to demand conclusion and action.

Dialogue tries to see the entire picture, examining and synthesizing all sides of an issue before taking action.

 

Participants in Discussion are adversaries in disguise.

Participants in Dialogue view each other as colleagues.

 

Discussion is a win/lose activity -- some lose, some win.

Dialogue is a win/win activity -- everyone wins.

Each of these forms of conversation is valuable and useful in its proper place. None can accomplish the same work as the others. But we are limited as a culture when we do not have all of them available to us. We are impoverished when we lack the power of Dialogue

Shapes of Conversations

Another way we can see the differences between Dialogue, Discussion, and Debate is to consider the psychological shapes of the conversations. The shape of Debate is a line. It is like a tug-of-war, with the two teams lined up opposite each other, pulling on the rope. One side wins and the other loses. Other possible outcomes or points of view are excluded.

The shape of Dialogue is a circle. We sit so that everyone can see and hear each other. There are as many sides to the conversation as there are people in the circle. We listen to one another, so the different perspectives and points of view which we bring can be added together to form a greater web of meaning, a more inclusive understanding.

The shape of Discussion is a sort of jumble. All the people are in the same room, but facing in different directions, with different interests, and different agendas. The group lacks the cohesion of a Dialogue group, and does not attempt to draw out the best thinking of each participant to build an inclusive new understanding. Participants in a Discussion may be just as fixed in their opinions as Debate participants, while being less up-front about it.

Habits of Mind

Any activity we do repeatedly develops abilities and becomes habitual. This is one reason to practice a golf swing or a musical instrument. Without habits to guide our daily lives, life would very difficult. But habits can be either conducive to our well-being, or detrimental.

Practicing different forms of conversation creates different "habits of mind". These become automatic ways of viewing the world, behaving, or making decisions.

Debate creates the habit of mind in which we expect that one side wins and the other loses. It is the intellectual analog of war, in which neither side really listens to the other. We can see the effects of Debate in the gridlock in Sacramento and Washington. Two opposing parties think more about how they can finesse the game to defeat the other, than they think open-mindedly about what is really best and fairest for most citizens.

The habits of mind cultivated by Debate are evident in all the adversarial conflicts we see in our society: the increase of litigation to solve simple problems, the prevalence of name-calling in the media, and the general decline of civility in daily life.

Dialogue cultivates the habit of mind in which we expect that everyone wins, and everyone is included. We practice being respectful, open-minded, and inclusive by examining multiple sides of every issue and inviting the best of everyone's thinking.

When conversations are less inclusive and more combative than in Dialogue, many participants are hesitant to open their mouths, for fear of being criticized or attacked. As a result, they keep their most interesting thoughts to themselves. But in Dialogue, as people begin to feel safe from criticism, ridicule, and attack, they begin to open up, sharing their most interesting thoughts, their most valuable insights. The effect in a group is contagious: as each mind blossoms in the safe climate of respectful conversation, it encourages others to do the same.

Many have remarked that this experience is almost therapeutic. Others say that they do their best thinking in the Dialogue circle.

Benefits of Dialogue

We are most familiar with Dialogue being applied in situations of international diplomacy, as a way of avoiding war. But there are growing numbers of schools, families, businesses, and community groups using Dialogue to produce better results in daily life. Any group which can benefit from more mutual respect, mutual understanding, greater insight, cohesion, and unity, can benefit by learning to apply the principles of Dialogue.

Future articles in this series will expand on these ideas, and explore the principles of Dialogue and how to apply them.

 

Peter Winchell is a parent, educational consultant, former classroom teacher, and author of the forthcoming book, Everyone Wins The Dialogue Game. He is the director of The Invisible School, which provides training in Dialogue to groups of all sorts. He can be contacted at (415) 458-3508, or through his website www.TheInvisibleSchool.org.